Contract Marriage Vs. Covenant Marriage

Contractual vs. Covenant Marriage

Many people enter into contractual marriages (married by a legal authority.) This creates an agreement that is enforceable by the law, i.e. they can take their disputes before a judge for resolution (often divorce.) A legal marriage contract gives the couple the authorized benefits bestowed by the law, such as inheritance rights, tax benefits, etc. Although many are joined in marriage because of their love for one another, and their desire for commitment, a contractual marriage is basically a legal agreement.

In contrast, a covenant marriage is a formal agreement between a couple and God. It requires the couple to think of more than just the legalities of their marriage. When there are disputes a covenant partnership doesn’t turn to the law for relief, they turn to the third party in their covenant: Heavenly Father. They understand that there is more at stake than just tax liability, spousal support, or shared custody. It affects the eternal welfare of each partner and any children involved. This gives the couple additional incentive to work through their problems, rather seek redress at the hands of the government. 

As Elder Bruce C. Hafen stated, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.” (Hafen)

Covenant marriages focus on teamwork, shared goals, an eternal mindset, and a commitment to stay together even when it’s hard, unpleasant, or disappointing. There is no using divorce as an escape hatch (except in cases of abuse or infidelity) and there is no quitting just because they aren’t happy anymore. Couples who commit to a covenant marriage have heavenly help to overcome even the most extreme challenges. They are blessed with stamina and strength. They know that they are fighting for more than just a relationship between two people: they are fighting for their eternal family. And that is often enough to keep them going when nothing else could.

Some of the ways I can maintain a covenant marriage mindset (and avoid the contractual mindset) are:

1.    Remember that my marriage is not just an agreement between me and my husband, it is a promise we made to God.

2.    Seek help from Heavenly Father, scriptures, books, and trusted advisors.

3.    Commit to giving 100%, even when I’m not happy with my spouse or when it doesn’t seem fair.

4.    Dedicate time to work on my marriage. Take time to talk, but also to have fun.

5.    Commit to always having each other’s back and express solidarity. Don’t take someone else’s side against my spouse.

6.    Be affectionate.

“By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other.” (Bednar)

This is the ultimate goal of a covenant marriage.

Works Cited

Bednar, David A. "Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan." Ensign June 2006. <https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng>.

Hafen, Bruce C. "Covenant Marriage." Ensign November 1996: 26. <https://www.lds.org/ensign/1996/11/covenant-marriage?lang=eng&_r=1>.