Power Relations in Families

This week’s topic is Power Relations within a family setting.

In a BYU Conference on Family Life address titled “Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families,” Richard Miller addresses the power issues that are at the root of many family problems (Miller). As he elaborates on these issues, it is easy to think of families who have difficulties because of specific imbalances in family power, but also to recognize how society is changing to balance out some of the struggles for power, especially in marriages.

Here is a summary of the Power Issues:

1) “Parents are the leaders in a family.” They are to provide proper discipline and guidelines for their children, and should not be afraid to say “no” when it is in a child’s best interest. Children should not be in control of the family.

2) “Parents must be united in their leadership.” Parents should counsel together to come to an agreement about parenting issues. They need to work together, and always present a united front to the children. When disagreements arise, they should discuss the issues privately as a couple.

3) “The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults.” “Parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them.” Adult children are still subject to the parents’ rules if they live at home, but the parents should not tell them what to do. Adult children need to make their own decisions regarding themselves and their families.

4) “The marital relationship should be a partnership.” Husbands and wives need to be treated as equals by each other. There should be no competition for control within the relationship. Although husbands and wives have different roles, they should both be equal partners who love, serve, and support one another.

Many of the problems we see in families with children arise from the first two issues, and then carry on into the third. Children need parents who can provide necessary discipline while also creating a sense of order through united parenting. When couples start with a foundation of equality and respect for one another, it makes it easier to address any issues concerning children.

One way to address issues that arise from any imbalances of power is for a couple to counsel with one another. Effective counseling involves each person coming to the discussion with the goal of reaching a consensus and becoming unified. In order to be successful, it needs to be done with humility, love, and understanding. Before getting started, it is best to say a prayer, to enlist the help of the Spirit. The couple can then use good listening habits to stay focused on the issue at hand.

The goal for most couples and families is to have a high level of unity and love, good communication, respect for all members, and a sense of belonging. This is also what Heavenly Father wants for us. As we enlist His help, we can overcome power issues and develop greater marriage and parenting skills. 

Works Cited

Miller, Richard B. "Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families." BYU Conference on Family Life. Provo: Brigham Young University, Division of Continuing Education, 2008.