Taking time to reconnect and have fun together as a couple is important to keeping a marriage strong and happy. Start with the Love Maps questionnaire, then check out the links for conversation starters and date night ideas.
Take the Love Map questionnaire online:
https://www.gottman.com/how-well-do-you-know-your-partner/
Conversation Starters:
https://www.trinacress.com/2013/07/100-date-night-questions.html
Date Night Ideas:
http://www.downredbuddrive.com/100-date-night-ideas/
https://www.developgoodhabits.com/date-night-ideas/
https://www.marriage365.org/blog/21-date-ideas-we-think-youll-love?gclid=Cj0KCQjwhPfkBRD0ARIsAAcYycF9FD5qtG5GVIEec_cfjC-xijpFlhU1BDFcmWkzO3A95sMfSCJWPXIaAlqzEALw_wcB
Friday, March 29, 2019
Power Relations in Families
This week’s topic is Power Relations within a family
setting.
In a BYU Conference on Family Life address titled “Who is
the Boss? Power Relationships in Families,” Richard Miller addresses the power
issues that are at the root of many family problems (Miller) . As he elaborates on
these issues, it is easy to think of families who have difficulties because of
specific imbalances in family power, but also to recognize how society is
changing to balance out some of the struggles for power, especially in
marriages.
Here is a summary of the Power Issues:
1) “Parents are the leaders in a family.” They are to
provide proper discipline and guidelines for their children, and should not be
afraid to say “no” when it is in a child’s best interest. Children should not
be in control of the family.
2) “Parents must be united in their leadership.” Parents
should counsel together to come to an agreement about parenting issues. They
need to work together, and always present a united front to the children. When
disagreements arise, they should discuss the issues privately as a couple.
3) “The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children
become adults.” “Parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult
children to obey them.” Adult children are still subject to the parents’ rules
if they live at home, but the parents should not tell them what to do. Adult
children need to make their own decisions regarding themselves and their
families.
4) “The marital relationship should be a partnership.”
Husbands and wives need to be treated as equals by each other. There should be
no competition for control within the relationship. Although husbands and wives
have different roles, they should both be equal partners who love, serve, and
support one another.
Many of the problems we see in families with children arise
from the first two issues, and then carry on into the third. Children need
parents who can provide necessary discipline while also creating a sense of
order through united parenting. When couples start with a foundation of
equality and respect for one another, it makes it easier to address any issues
concerning children.
One way to address issues that arise from any imbalances of
power is for a couple to counsel with one another. Effective counseling involves
each person coming to the discussion with the goal of reaching a consensus and
becoming unified. In order to be successful, it needs to be done with humility,
love, and understanding. Before getting started, it is best to say a prayer, to
enlist the help of the Spirit. The couple can then use good listening habits to
stay focused on the issue at hand.
The goal for most couples and families is to have a high
level of unity and love, good communication, respect for all members, and a
sense of belonging. This is also what Heavenly Father wants for us. As we
enlist His help, we can overcome power issues and develop greater marriage and
parenting skills.
Works Cited
Miller, Richard B. "Who is the Boss? Power
Relationships in Families." BYU Conference on Family Life. Provo:
Brigham Young University, Division of Continuing Education, 2008.
Friday, March 22, 2019
Sex in Marriage
This week’s topic is the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage. For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, sex should not be a taboo subject, full of mystery or ambiguity. It is meant to be a loving and enjoyable experience, one that helps to forge a bond between husband and wife. Church leaders have given great counsel on sexual relations. The following are three quotes that sum it up pretty well:
• “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ ” (Spencer W. Kimball, Quoting Billy Graham, Ensign, May 1974, p. 7.)
• “Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 311)
• “Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set. One purpose of this private, sacred, intimate experience is to provide the physical bodies for the spirits Father in Heaven wants to experience mortality. Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, considerations of each other, and common purpose.” (Elder Richard G. Scott, “Making the Right Choices,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 38.)
Although sexual desire is natural, it can also lead to temptation and sin. We have to safeguard our marriages in order to protect the sanctity of our sexual stewardship.
Some of the ways that my husband and I protect our marriage are:
• Talk to each other. About everything. Even when it’s something that makes us uncomfortable or upset. My husband often likes to start with, “promise you won’t laugh at me,” or “promise me you won’t get mad.” Although I often refuse to promise those in particular, I always promise to hear him out and to keep an open mind. This helps him feel comfortable being vulnerable with me.
• Say “I love you” often.
• Always come to each other first. When we have a problem, we don’t go to our parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or anyone else. This ensures that our first loyalty is to each other.
• Never spend time alone with a non-family member who is of the opposite sex. If we have to meet someone without our spouse, we meet in a public place, or within a group setting. People often treat us like we’re old-fashioned, but it’s far too easy to become more intimate when you’re alone with someone else, and that can lead to emotional, if not physical, infidelity.
• Lots of time together. It’s hard to keep a relationship going if you don’t have time to talk, bond, work out problems, and have fun together. For us, the more we are around someone, the more comfortable we become with them. This is true with our marriage also.
• Time on computers and phones is done in common areas where everyone can see what is on the screen. No hiding, no secrets. This makes it much less likely that either of us will access things that we shouldn’t.
We are bombarded constantly with immoral portrayals of sex and sexuality, in a world that often encourages and condones the misuse of this sacred power. Those who understand God’s purposes need to stand up and speak out for marriage, and against premarital sex, infidelity, pornography, and any other practice that seeks to destroy the sexual stewardship that God has ordained to be employed only between a husband and a wife.
• “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ ” (Spencer W. Kimball, Quoting Billy Graham, Ensign, May 1974, p. 7.)
• “Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.” (President Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 311)
• “Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set. One purpose of this private, sacred, intimate experience is to provide the physical bodies for the spirits Father in Heaven wants to experience mortality. Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, considerations of each other, and common purpose.” (Elder Richard G. Scott, “Making the Right Choices,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 38.)
Although sexual desire is natural, it can also lead to temptation and sin. We have to safeguard our marriages in order to protect the sanctity of our sexual stewardship.
Some of the ways that my husband and I protect our marriage are:
• Talk to each other. About everything. Even when it’s something that makes us uncomfortable or upset. My husband often likes to start with, “promise you won’t laugh at me,” or “promise me you won’t get mad.” Although I often refuse to promise those in particular, I always promise to hear him out and to keep an open mind. This helps him feel comfortable being vulnerable with me.
• Say “I love you” often.
• Always come to each other first. When we have a problem, we don’t go to our parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or anyone else. This ensures that our first loyalty is to each other.
• Never spend time alone with a non-family member who is of the opposite sex. If we have to meet someone without our spouse, we meet in a public place, or within a group setting. People often treat us like we’re old-fashioned, but it’s far too easy to become more intimate when you’re alone with someone else, and that can lead to emotional, if not physical, infidelity.
• Lots of time together. It’s hard to keep a relationship going if you don’t have time to talk, bond, work out problems, and have fun together. For us, the more we are around someone, the more comfortable we become with them. This is true with our marriage also.
• Time on computers and phones is done in common areas where everyone can see what is on the screen. No hiding, no secrets. This makes it much less likely that either of us will access things that we shouldn’t.
We are bombarded constantly with immoral portrayals of sex and sexuality, in a world that often encourages and condones the misuse of this sacred power. Those who understand God’s purposes need to stand up and speak out for marriage, and against premarital sex, infidelity, pornography, and any other practice that seeks to destroy the sexual stewardship that God has ordained to be employed only between a husband and a wife.
Friday, March 15, 2019
What Causes Gridlock and How to Overcome It
Last week I wrote about how
69% of problems in a marriage are perpetual, and how they can lead to gridlock.
That seems like a discouraging amount of ongoing problems to have in a
marriage, but there is good news- couples can often overcome gridlock and enjoy
greater peace and happiness in their marriage.
An important key to preventing
gridlock in the first place is to be conscious of each other’s needs. By
following some of the exercises I wrote about in previous posts (turning
towards each other, nurturing fondness and admiration, etc.) you are less
likely to experience as many hurt feelings as you might otherwise. This
reduction in hurt feelings generally helps a couple to work through problems
without becoming gridlocked.
When gridlock does happen,
it’s important to understand that the root cause is “that you each have dreams
for your life that the other isn’t aware of, hasn’t acknowledged, or doesn’t
respect” (John M. Gottman) . Generally these are deep dreams that
we carry with us from childhood. They might be practical ones like wanting to
achieve a certain level of financial success or security, or more profound ones
such as a personal spiritual journey or ending a chapter of one’s life. Dreams
are the “hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of your identity and give
purpose and meaning to your life” (238) .
Even if our dreams aren’t obvious to our conscious self, they lie under the
surface, affecting most of our decisions.
How do these dreams factor in
the solution of perpetual problems? If a couple has core dreams that are at
variance with one another, it will cause them to argue endlessly about the same
issues without getting anywhere. However, when a couple is aware of,
understands, and respects each other’s dreams, they are better able to support
each other. The first step in overcoming gridlock, then, is to discover what
dreams are fueling the conflict. This can be hampered by one or both partners feeling
that their dreams are immature or unrealistic, and consequently burying them.
This does not actually stop the longing to have the dream fulfilled, though. In
fact, it may end up creating more gridlock because the partner seems unaware of
what is at the core of the issue.
To uncover each other’s
dreams, you need a safe time and place to discuss them. This is not an exercise
that should be done when either of you are feeling stressed! Dr. Gottman gives
the following steps:
1) Explore the Dream(s).
Choose a gridlocked conflict to work on, write an explanation of your position
without criticizing or blaming your spouse, then talk about them. Each partner
spends 15 minutes as the speaker, and 15 minutes as the listener. It’s
important for the listener to focus on listening, without judging or thinking
of rebuttals. (250-251)
2) Soothe. Be
aware of your own and your partner’s physical and emotions reactions. If either
of you are getting stressed by the exercise, use repair attempts (humor,
apologies, etc.) or take a 20 minute break doing something that calms you down.
(253)
3) Reach a temporary compromise. Start by knowing that your goal is not to solve the
conflict- perpetual issues generally don’t go away! Instead, find areas that
you can compromise on. First, you and your partner identify which areas are
nonnegotiable, and which areas you have more flexibility in. Working together,
come up with a temporary compromise. Keeping it temporary allows for
adjustments in the future. Try the compromise for two months, then evaluate the
results together. (253-258)
4) Say “Thank You.” To maintain good feelings in the relationship
after an often uncomfortable and stressful exercise, offer your partner three
specific thank-yous. (259)
Dr. Gottman’s book has many
helpful exercises based on substantial studies he has performed over decades. Much
of his advice goes far beyond the standard recommendations for improving
communication, especially through “active listening.” His book takes us on an
orderly journey that starts by strengthening the friendship and fondness in a
marriage, touches on the need to allow our partner influence us, and then moves
into problem solving and overcoming gridlock. By working through this book
together, a couple can easily take a strained relationship and develop greater
emotional intimacy and overall marital satisfaction. When used in conjunction
with gospel principles such as faith, charity, forgiveness, and sacrifice, this
book can be a life-saver for a marriage that might otherwise drown in
unhappiness, bitterness, or divorce.
My personal experience and
disclaimer: I have read most of this book now, and have been able to do
exercises from many of the chapters. I would love to spend a lot more time on
it with my husband, because just in the portions we have done, we have seen
better communication and understanding, more awareness of each other’s
strengths and good qualities, and less inclination to criticize. I fully plan
on re-reading the book with my husband in the near future, and recommend it to
all couples.
Works
Cited
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. The Seven Principles for
Making Marriage Work. Second. New York: Harmony Books, 1999, 2015. Book.
Friday, March 8, 2019
How to Address Perpetual Problems in Marriage
According to John M. Gottman, 69% of all problems in marriage are perpetual as opposed to solvable (John M. Gottman 138). That means that a majority of the disagreements couples have are not going to come to a mutually agreeable solution, and that neither spouse is likely to ever really agree on certain issues. These issues can be complex, and can include things like an inequity in chore distribution, finances, disagreements about how to discipline children, and differing religious beliefs. Having perpetual problems can cause a strong sense of distress for couples who become gridlocked over these issues. They may continually have the same conversation over and over while feeling like they are getting nowhere, or eventually “agree to disagree,” which leads to disengagement and negativity.
To avoid damage to a relationship, couples need to learn how to successfully manage conflict. Gottman gives four keys to accomplish this:
1) “Negative emotions are important… remember that successful relationships live by the motto ‘When you are in pain, the world stops and I listen’” (157). This means that when your spouse is sharing negative emotions, your put aside your automatic reactions and try to understand what your spouse is trying to share with you. It can take a lot of practice to get good at expressing negative emotions in a non-threatening way, so be gentle and patient with each other as you work on it.
2) “No one is right. There is no absolute reality in marital conflict, only two subjective ones” (157). Each spouse comes into the marriage with vastly different perceptions. This is to be expected since each grew up in a separate household with diverse styles of parenting, conflict resolution, communication, and ways of interacting with the world. Although most spouses have some similarities, each have grown up with unique experiences which shape their perspective. This can enrich the marriage, but can also lead to perpetual problems. It’s important to remember that your perception is only one way of looking at something, and that a different view isn’t necessarily a “wrong” one.
3) “Acceptance is crucial. It is virtually impossible for people to heed advice unless they believe the other person understands, respects, and accepts them for who they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, or unappreciated, they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege, and they dig in. Therefore, the basis for coping effectively with relationship issues, … is to communicate basic acceptance of your partner’s personality” (157). This is where the principle of “turning towards each other” can really help. By working to recognize and appreciate the efforts your spouse makes, you are keeping your focus on the positive aspects of their personality and traits. If each spouse is doing this, it will be far easier to show acceptance rather than negativity and contempt.
4) “Focus on fondness and admiration” (157). This works hand in hand with turning towards each other. Learning to view your spouse’s shortcomings and quirks as “amusing parts of the whole package” can help to reduce the negativity associated with such. As a couple focuses on their fondness and admiration for each other, they are more likely to communicate acceptance and love, even in the midst of serious disagreements. A key to developing more fondness and admiration is forgiveness. A good refrain to remember is, ''A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers." (Goddard)
Marriage comes with many challenges, some solvable and some perpetual, but as we strengthen our commitment to our spouse and relationship, we can enjoy greater happiness and satisfaction in life. As quoted in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Ken Brooks gives this excellent insight, "Our capacity to love a spouse deeply and our ability to experience great joy in marriage are commensurate with the degree to which we are willing to suffer and hurt, to labor and toil, and to persevere through moments of unhappiness, stress, disappointment, and tests of our patience and love for our partners" (Goddard 106). No sacrifice is too great, and no effort is too hard, when it comes to the blessings awaiting us in a happy marriage.
Works Cited
Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Cedar Hills, Utah: Joymap Publishing, 2009.
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Second. New York: Harmony Books, 1999, 2015. Book.
To avoid damage to a relationship, couples need to learn how to successfully manage conflict. Gottman gives four keys to accomplish this:
1) “Negative emotions are important… remember that successful relationships live by the motto ‘When you are in pain, the world stops and I listen’” (157). This means that when your spouse is sharing negative emotions, your put aside your automatic reactions and try to understand what your spouse is trying to share with you. It can take a lot of practice to get good at expressing negative emotions in a non-threatening way, so be gentle and patient with each other as you work on it.
2) “No one is right. There is no absolute reality in marital conflict, only two subjective ones” (157). Each spouse comes into the marriage with vastly different perceptions. This is to be expected since each grew up in a separate household with diverse styles of parenting, conflict resolution, communication, and ways of interacting with the world. Although most spouses have some similarities, each have grown up with unique experiences which shape their perspective. This can enrich the marriage, but can also lead to perpetual problems. It’s important to remember that your perception is only one way of looking at something, and that a different view isn’t necessarily a “wrong” one.
3) “Acceptance is crucial. It is virtually impossible for people to heed advice unless they believe the other person understands, respects, and accepts them for who they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, or unappreciated, they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege, and they dig in. Therefore, the basis for coping effectively with relationship issues, … is to communicate basic acceptance of your partner’s personality” (157). This is where the principle of “turning towards each other” can really help. By working to recognize and appreciate the efforts your spouse makes, you are keeping your focus on the positive aspects of their personality and traits. If each spouse is doing this, it will be far easier to show acceptance rather than negativity and contempt.
4) “Focus on fondness and admiration” (157). This works hand in hand with turning towards each other. Learning to view your spouse’s shortcomings and quirks as “amusing parts of the whole package” can help to reduce the negativity associated with such. As a couple focuses on their fondness and admiration for each other, they are more likely to communicate acceptance and love, even in the midst of serious disagreements. A key to developing more fondness and admiration is forgiveness. A good refrain to remember is, ''A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers." (Goddard)
Marriage comes with many challenges, some solvable and some perpetual, but as we strengthen our commitment to our spouse and relationship, we can enjoy greater happiness and satisfaction in life. As quoted in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Ken Brooks gives this excellent insight, "Our capacity to love a spouse deeply and our ability to experience great joy in marriage are commensurate with the degree to which we are willing to suffer and hurt, to labor and toil, and to persevere through moments of unhappiness, stress, disappointment, and tests of our patience and love for our partners" (Goddard 106). No sacrifice is too great, and no effort is too hard, when it comes to the blessings awaiting us in a happy marriage.
Works Cited
Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Cedar Hills, Utah: Joymap Publishing, 2009.
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Second. New York: Harmony Books, 1999, 2015. Book.
Monday, March 4, 2019
The Problem with Pride in Marriage
President Ezra Taft Benson (past president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) gave a talk in April of 1989 called, “Beware of Pride.” This talk has become a classic because of the many profound points he makes about what pride is, and why it’s such an insidious sin. As President Benson states, “The central feature of pride is enmity- enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’” This gives us a basic definition of what pride is, but there are many other quotes that describe how that enmity manifests itself, and they can all apply to our marriages.
Here are a few of my favorites, and what I get from them:
• “Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s….The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives...The proud wish God would agree with them.” It can be hard to sincerely pray that God’s will be done in our life, when we have a picture in our head of how we want things to turn out. We have to remember that God is all-knowing, and He will bless us with what is best for us in the long-run, not necessarily with the things we want in the moment.
• “We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them.” I think this is one of the ways pride manifests itself in marriage. I know I get caught up in thinking that what I want, or how I think, or my solution to a problem is the best (or “right” or “only”) one, which automatically makes my husband’s opinions, ideas, and acts “wrong.” This pits me against him, rather than having us work together as a partnership.
• “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others.” Pride is not just competitive, but also involves a strong element of comparison. It’s not good enough to accept ourselves and others as we are. We end up needing to place everyone in categories and basing our worth and theirs on how they measure up.
Once we begin to compare and compete with others, our focus shifts away from trying to please God and do His will.
• “The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. ‘What will men think of me?’ weighs heavier than ‘What will God think of me?’” Think of all the times you were concerned about what other people think, and how much energy was wasted! I have social anxiety disorder, so I understand being more concerned with what others think. It’s a hellish way to live, constantly worrying about how others might perceive my every word or action. When I re-focus on the Savior, and put my energy into doing what He wants me to, I enjoy greater peace and satisfaction in my life, and a huge decrease in anxiety.
• “If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men’s, we will have self-esteem.” This is another one that I can relate to. I want to feel good about myself and feel valued as a person, but my “natural” tendency to compare myself and worry about others’ opinions produces the opposite. I could search self-help books for weeks and never find advice that cuts to the issue as succinctly as this quote.
• “Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression.” Wow. This one really made me stop and think. Is anything worth limiting or stopping my progression? Why would I ever want to hold on to such a damning sin? The truth is, I don’t. But, as President Benson points out…
• “Pride affects all of us at various times and in various degrees…Pride is the universal sin, the great vice.” This is something that we will all struggle with. It’s not just a problem for our spouse, our neighbor, our boss, or friend. It’s OUR problem also. The funny thing is, pride by its very nature makes us want to deny it and find ways to avoid confronting it. The first step in overcoming it is in admitting that it is a problem for us. Then we have to make a choice- choose to humble ourselves, or choose to hold tight to our pride. I know which one I want to do, and I know that I can with the Savior’s help.
Here are a few of my favorites, and what I get from them:
• “Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s….The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives...The proud wish God would agree with them.” It can be hard to sincerely pray that God’s will be done in our life, when we have a picture in our head of how we want things to turn out. We have to remember that God is all-knowing, and He will bless us with what is best for us in the long-run, not necessarily with the things we want in the moment.
• “We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them.” I think this is one of the ways pride manifests itself in marriage. I know I get caught up in thinking that what I want, or how I think, or my solution to a problem is the best (or “right” or “only”) one, which automatically makes my husband’s opinions, ideas, and acts “wrong.” This pits me against him, rather than having us work together as a partnership.
• “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others.” Pride is not just competitive, but also involves a strong element of comparison. It’s not good enough to accept ourselves and others as we are. We end up needing to place everyone in categories and basing our worth and theirs on how they measure up.
Once we begin to compare and compete with others, our focus shifts away from trying to please God and do His will.
• “The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. ‘What will men think of me?’ weighs heavier than ‘What will God think of me?’” Think of all the times you were concerned about what other people think, and how much energy was wasted! I have social anxiety disorder, so I understand being more concerned with what others think. It’s a hellish way to live, constantly worrying about how others might perceive my every word or action. When I re-focus on the Savior, and put my energy into doing what He wants me to, I enjoy greater peace and satisfaction in my life, and a huge decrease in anxiety.
• “If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men’s, we will have self-esteem.” This is another one that I can relate to. I want to feel good about myself and feel valued as a person, but my “natural” tendency to compare myself and worry about others’ opinions produces the opposite. I could search self-help books for weeks and never find advice that cuts to the issue as succinctly as this quote.
• “Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression.” Wow. This one really made me stop and think. Is anything worth limiting or stopping my progression? Why would I ever want to hold on to such a damning sin? The truth is, I don’t. But, as President Benson points out…
• “Pride affects all of us at various times and in various degrees…Pride is the universal sin, the great vice.” This is something that we will all struggle with. It’s not just a problem for our spouse, our neighbor, our boss, or friend. It’s OUR problem also. The funny thing is, pride by its very nature makes us want to deny it and find ways to avoid confronting it. The first step in overcoming it is in admitting that it is a problem for us. Then we have to make a choice- choose to humble ourselves, or choose to hold tight to our pride. I know which one I want to do, and I know that I can with the Savior’s help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)